Tag Archives: The Respect Dare

Bible Study – THE RESPECT DARE

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How do you study your Bible? Do you do a topical study, such as ‘Fruits of the Spirit”; study a particular book, ie. Romans; or do you read a passage of scripture and then dissect it? Do you study alone, with your family, or in a group. Do you lead a Bible study, or simply participate, completing your reading and any assignments as you are instructed?
I have tried all three methods and have found each to have some great advantages, as well as some pretty good disadvantages as well. I have found good and bad aspects to studying alone or with others, and I have definitely found some significant differences in either leading a study or following along and participating.
Let me just tell you about my current and recent studies. First, I have toyed with the idea of leading a ladies Bible study for some time now and at the beginning of the year, I finally listened to God, and took the leap. Our group is small, only 3 of us, but that is perfect for us and the subject matter we are studying.
Our study guide is called, “The Respect Dare”. It started eating our lunch right from the get-go! The premise of this study is based on “The Love Dare” which is based on the movie, “Fireproof”, starring Kirk Cameron. The movie was a very good, clean, Christian movie, safe for all family members to watch. Because of some of the subject matter, and the fact that, though the movie is about a fireman, there is very little firefighting that goes on, or at least not the kind of firefighting where you see actual flames!! “The Love Dare” is a series of dares a husband is to complete for his wife, without her knowing he is doing so! Basically, he is expressing his love for her, while seeking nothing in return. He is learning to love unconditionally, as Christ loves us! This goes for 40 days, and when the dares are complete, the idea is that the wife will have fallen more deeply in love with him than she ever was because of the significant, loving changes she has witnessed in her husband! I’m not going to tell you any details about the film. No spoiler alerts here!!
Well, “The Respect Dare” is very similar to that, except it is written to wives, with dares to be completed to help the wife learn to RESPECT her husband as we are instructed to do in Ephesians 5:33, ‘Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence (respect) her husband.’
Do you have any idea how difficult it can be to respect your husband when you are having to pick up his dirty socks or underwear from the floor, RIGHT NEXT TO THE HAMPER! Or how about when you try to have a conversation with him, but the discussion ends up being one-sided!! Or when he says something to you that is extremely hurtful, yet he doesn’t notice that he has hurt you. His lack of noticing makes us think he just doesn’t care that he has hurt our feelings, AGAIN!
I have learned a great deal in this study. First and foremost, I have learned that, though my husband has faults and he may drive me crazy at times, the majority of the problem lies with me! If I can change my ways, change my attitude, adjust my reactions to things he does or says, I can virtually eliminate any arguing or fighting between us! Also, by my making these changes, I’ve noticed that he is slowly starting to change in some of these areas as well! But my focus is not on creating change in him. That’s just a perk! My focus is on changing myself, changing and improving upon my relationship with the Lord.
One of the main changes I have made? (Well, still working on it, but I’m getting better) I am trying very hard not to tell my husband how I think things should be done! Talk about a toughie!! But, I had to realize that if he wants my opinion on how something should be completed or handled, he will ask. If he asks, I simply offer my thoughts, (just the facts) without being condescending.
Another change is not letting myself get upset over unimportant things. Should we paint the bathroom cream or ivory? Aren’t they kind of the same? So, WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE???
Basically, we wives should be calm, considerate, CHRIST-LIKE, non-aggressive or cranky, always showing our love for our Father in Heaven, as well as for our husbands. We do that by cooking his dinner without complaining that we are having to stand over a hot stove after a really tough day corralling the kids! We do that by doing his laundry for him because we know that it would be really nice if he could sit and relax for a while rather than be standing up an additional hour or so, ironing his clothes to wear the next day! We respect our husbands when we refuse to speak negatively about him, to anyone…period! We should always be boosting our husband up, not tearing him down. Remember, if he goes tumbling down, chances are you will as well!
Take an opportunity, or several, to let your husband know how wonderful, talented, smart, creative, helpful, LOVED, he is. He is going to enjoy hearing that, or reading it if you send a text or a card, and he is going to love hearing it every single time that you tell him! So tell him often.
If he is doing or saying something that you know there is just no way you will ever agree with him on, ask him if you can discuss it. Then do so completely calm! Give him a chance to express his viewpoint without any interruption from you! Maybe parrot some of the things he says in order to give him confirmation that you did, indeed, hear what he was saying. Wait until he is finished, or until he asks, and then calmly express JUST THE FACTS!! Never tell your husband that “you always” or “you never”. Because no he doesn’t, and yes he does…in that order.
For example, “You never take out the trash any more and I have to do it!” “You always look at me like I’ve lost my mind when I mention trying that new restaurant.” Well, he probably doesn’t take the trash out because either you are nagging him about it and he is being defiant, (that would be me actually!!); he truly forgets to take it out; or he is usually in such a rush to get out the door that he just doesn’t get the trash taken out for fear of being late to work! Then comes the conversation between you two. Next, he probably doesn’t even realize that he is giving you the face he uses at work. Again, stick to the facts. Tell him that you like the way his face lights up when he smiles but if he really wants to play the silly face game, you will! Then give him a REALLY silly face in return. If he looks totally confused at this, explain that you thought by his expression that he wanted to play a silly face game! Drop the subject of the new restaurant. Trust me when I tell you that he will bring it back up. It may not be tonight, or next week, but he will do it!!
Always, in every situation, every conversation, find the positive and focus on that, unless your husband specifically asks you to do otherwise.
This is really proving to be a very good study and I do recommend it to all women, whether married 45 years, or 45 minutes, even those engaged young ladies should give this book a read. There are tons of valuable lessons to be learned, if you just pay attention and allow the Holy Spirit to teach you what He wants you to know!
I will have more on this subject at a later date. If you haven’t read it and you get a chance, be sure to read, “The Respect Dare – 40 Days to a Deeper Connection with God and Your Husband”. And if you are doing a Bible study with this book, forget finishing it in 40 days. There is a lot of wonderful material in this book and I don’t think it would do the lesson justice if you attempted to cram the lessons into 40 days. We have been on it since February 10, 2014 and are just now about to discuss Dare 9! So don’t get discouraged. Some people just need to concentrate a little harder on certain areas. Be attentive to that as well and stick to that lesson or goal until she fully understands it. Believe me when I say, none of you, nor your husbands, will ever forget this lesson, and neither will ever regret the either!!
God bless and have a great night, and days to follow. I pray spring has sprung, or is at least very close, in your neck of the woods! It certainly has here!! I’ve started getting visits from my hummingbirds!